It was incredible really and 100% authentically her. Until the very end, my mom was positive and had faith.
She was never too reactive, never had a bad thing to say about anyone, and always saw the good in people. Never quick to anger.Īs Tom put it, my mom was the most caring, moderate, diplomatic person he’s ever met. My point is, my mom always put my brother and me first. That’s how tired she was from work but she made the concert a priority.
SORTY YOUR MISSING YOUR MOM IN HEAVEN FULL
When I was 12 I think it was, after a full day of work, my mom took a bunch of friends and me to a Tori Amos concert and she actually fell asleep in the middle of the super loud concert. Ninety-nine of you reading have never met my mom, so what was she like? Well, her name was Chris and she was so strong and the most giving and patient person I’ve ever known. So I’m using every ounce of energy I have left to focus on the good and my appreciation for what I have.Ī family picture in Corsica in better times. If all of that overtakes me and becomes the focus of my grief, I don’t know if that’s a hole I’d ever be able to climb out of, not to mention that my mom wouldn’t want me in that hole. If I dwell on the fact (I’m very good at dwelling on things) that my mom wasn’t even elderly and didn’t get to live a long life, and that cancer robbed her of growing old with my dad… That I lost my mom in my 30s… That my life will never be on the same… I’m focusing on gratitude because if I let myself wander over to the dark side, I’m afraid I won’t make it out. I’m so lucky I got to say goodbye and that I have a job that allowed me to be here. I’m so grateful I got to spend quality time with my parents over the summer. I am so incredibly grateful that I had such a loving mom who I had a great relationship with above all. My anticipatory grief started months ago and I told myself then with the support of Tom, my family and friends that to get through this, I’d have to train myself to focus on gratitude - definitely not my default and something I’ve had to work at over the years which is coming in handy now. Replaying the last few days over and over in my mind on loop until those memories fade. I’m scared that as friends and family move on, I’ll be paralyzed by grief and stuck here.
But I’m so scared of feeling less close to my mom as time goes on and memories fade. Giving things time has helped in other areas of my life when there’s been conflict and pain. People say time lessens grief and I hope that is true. Thank goodness my head is attached to my body because if not, I’m sure I would have left it somewhere. I lost my phone and it was ticked into my sports bra the whole time. We drove right past the funeral home knowing exactly where it was. My dad and I have been so absentminded and doing silly things, which isn’t like us at all. I’ll save the hardest parts for another day if I’m strong enough to ever write about them. My parents are everything to me, and while it brings me peace to know my mom is no longer suffering, the permanence of it all is what I am struggling with. My parents retired early and I’ve called them nearly every single day for the past few years when I’d walk Dagny in the afternoon. Our relationship has gotten stronger believe it or not since I moved to France. I’m not just saying that because that’s what you say when loved ones die. Let’s go.įirst, my mom was an amazing mom. I’m going to write what I’m feeling right now and go light on the edit because I don’t think I can bring myself to re-read this post.
It’s barely been a week since my mom died and I’d like to share a few things with you about my mom and also a few small things that have brought me comfort during what is without a doubt the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced.Īhh, so where to begin. Grief healing: One week since my mom died This is not a doom and gloom post, though. Luckily I got to say goodbye, but I’d be lying to you if I said I was doing well. One passed away a week after I left last time and my mom just passed away October 4, 2021. with my family because two of my relatives had terminal cancer and I hadn’t seen them since November 2019. This summer, I spent a month and a half in the U.S. Pandemic aside, this past year has been the most difficult of my entire life.
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